Get Me Out of This Fishbowl!

If you are the parent of a child with high functioning autism, you know exactly what an inclusion class is.  I completely understand the seemingly good intentions behind the concept, but I am here to tell you that for the vast majority, it does not work.  Mainstreaming with supports, so that a child on the spectrum can be “included” with neuro-typical peers, leads to very disappointing outcomes…to say the least.

Our children with ASD are physically in the same room as the others, but they are more like fish with their nose pressed to the glass of the fishbowl.  They are not included in the spontaneous and ongoing social encounters in the room because they seriously struggle with face to face communication. It is ludicrous to expect a typical school age child to interact naturally with a child that they cannot understand. It is just as absurd to imagine that they can endure our children’s uncommon and complicated behaviors; a task that most adults are unwilling to do.  As a result, our children are rejected and become paralyzed by feelings of inferiority.  Their frustration and anger causes them to act out in many inappropriate ways, and now they appear even more different. I won’t even get into the bullying and teasing that goes on. And yes, there might be a brave student that will act kindly to a child with unique ways of being, but that is a far cry from an environment that is autistic friendly.

An inclusion setting for children with ASD creates confusion, animosity and resentment on both sides of the fishbowl; having an extremely negative and damaging affect on our children’s wellbeing. How can healthy human-relation skills be developed in an environment that inhibits a child’s potential to function?
For the most part, human beings grow in a similar pattern and no matter how unique we consider ourselves; we have the same basic needs and even tend to have the same common dreams. Nevertheless, if a child feels “excluded” from his or her community while transitioning through the stages of development, the outcome will be detrimental. When typical teenagers begin to transition into adulthood, they need to feel strongly connected to the community in order to feel a sense of purpose.  This sense of purpose enables them to gain the skills necessary to meet their needs and achieve their goals.

It is essential that children and teens with ASD have the opportunity to be connected to a group who grows and expresses themselves in a similar pattern as they do. They must be part of a bigger existence in order to
develop feelings of trust, hope, purpose, competency, and of course, love.

My daughter, a skillful observer of others, recognizes that she should be interested in developing a plan for her future. Sadly, just the thought of exploring future possibilities makes her feel overwhelmed and disheartened. At the age of 23, she has yet to develop a sense of purpose. There were practically no opportunities for her to experience common ground with friends she could relate to or be accepted by.  She was very well educated, but paid a very high price for it…many years in a fishbowl.  Inclusion was a constant reminder that she was different, creating a whole host of disparaging feelings. 

Regardless of a person’s IQ or education, without healthy emotional and social intelligence, becoming successful in life is almost impossible. Community based programs that provide real opportunities to practice social skills and understand social rules will enable an individual with ASD to feel part of a bigger existence. These types of programs are necessary to successfully transition our children through every stage of development.

The fact that our school districts do not have SUITABLE transition plans for students with ASD is without question…UNACCECPTABLE.  We are allowing our children to fall off the face of the earth as they enter into the most complex and difficult stage of their life…adulthood. 

You would not take your goldfish out of the fishbowl and throw it into the ocean and expect it to thrive.  And yet, that is exactly what we are doing to our children. This crisis that affects 1 in 100 requires teamwork. For two decades, we have allowed our school districts to say they know best on how to treat our children. But finally, the lives of young adults with ASD, who have struggled through the system, are now our text books. They give us the critical information we need to attack the challenges of this epidemic. It is time for our schools to learn from our children and join forces with outside agencies in order to achieve a successful outcome for all.